Doing research for this series, we discovered that a lot of networking resources seem to be written by people who are naturally just “good” at networking. We wanted to make a resource for the rest of us who struggle a bit with building genuine relationships quickly and easily. In this last post, we consider the topic of networking for introverts.
1. Explore the Extrovert Bias
In her book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, Susan Cain writes that our society at large has a bias toward extroverts. Offices are designed to be open concept, making it difficult to find spaces to be alone. People who are talkative are seen as being more socially well-adjusted, whereas we (mistakenly) associate the word “introvert” with “antisocial.”
Cain suggests that we rethink the meaning of introversion, and to consider the superpowers people on the introvert spectrum have. She wants us to think of introversion not as being antisocial but as being sensitive. And we have strengths that our more social brethren might not. Steve Jobs, for example, developed the computer by spending hours and hours alone (happily) in his garage. Introverts are excellent problem-solvers because we don’t much mind the hours and hours of solo work. We are excellent researchers, observers, and creators of ideas.
2. Turn Your Introversion into a Superpower
What would it mean to lean into your introverted tendencies, rather than try to fight them, in a social networking context? It might mean to sit back and observe at first. Introverts are better at sussing people out, in some ways, because we are more uncomfortable in social settings. What do you do when you’re uncomfortable? You’re more likely to observe than engage. To pick up on the cues and clues that others might miss. Who seems genuine, who makes you feel un/comfortable?
At a networking event, you might do a quick internal scan and see if you can tell what is going on in your body when you talk to someone. This is good information (for you). When you walk into a networking situation, turn your introversion into a superpower and become the observer of your own physical person and others. Knowing how to read the room, or just to read one person, can make all the difference.
3. Give Yourself Permission to Leave
An owner of a local bookshop offered this recently, “you wouldn’t stay in a conversation that you weren’t enjoying.” She was talking about finishing books, but it made a lightbulb go off for me in the context networking. (One of my favorite things about being a writer is how ideas find you).
People think that “networking” means being affable to everyone. I think people force themselves to stay in social situations because they think they have to to network. In some ways, this can be a good thing. It can force us to look beyond our cursory judgments. But in other ways, it is an energy suck.
Barring being rude, give yourself permission to gracefully exit conversations you are not enjoying. This will free you up to find people you do want to talk with. In the long run, you want to be working with people you enjoy being around anyway! Giving yourself permission to leave takes the pressure off of having to make every social encounter work well. It’s simply not possible (for anyone). Be polite to everyone, but also be polite to yourself. Respect your own experience and leave when you need to.
4. Take Breaks
If you are a social introvert who sometimes needs downtime, schedule breaks in your day. Going back to your hotel to sit in the quiet for an hour will mean you can bounce back into the fray with so much more energy and positivity when you return.
To sum up, turn your introversion into a superpower by leaning into the observer archetype–of yourself as well other people. This ensures that the connections you make will be to your (and their!) benefit. And, most importantly, you’ll be learning about yourself, which is the main practice that will help you become a stronger networker in the long run. We wish you happy networking!
Featured Image by Pixabay
